dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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