spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
