so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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