epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
