Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
