Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
