did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
