Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
