today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
