The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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