i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
