you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
