when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
