So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
