Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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