and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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