an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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