people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
