I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
