You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize