you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
