Plan B is the new Plan A
People with herpes should wear stickers.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
