when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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