Plan B is the new Plan A
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
