Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
