so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
