If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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