if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
