I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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