He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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