I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
