If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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