I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
