every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
