69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
its not stalking. its research.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
