I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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