i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
