He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
