You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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