I smell stomach acid.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
