I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
