Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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