my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
is wine microwaveable?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
