; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
the day after is always just damage control
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
