you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
