Plan B is the new Plan A
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize