I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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