Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize