That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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