i just made my gag reflex go away.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
