Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
