im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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