I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
