dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
