Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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