i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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