what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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