70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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