She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
