My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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