Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
