dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
