dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize