I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize