Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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