i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
