She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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