Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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