Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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