I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
