I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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