Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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