fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
