fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
