I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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