Pappa wants mamma naked
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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