I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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